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“It always seems impossible until it’s done”



Back in 2016, I was about to take on my first Yoga training,

I was curious, excited but one thing really scared me,

I knew that at some point I’ll have to sing.


To this day I’ve had never allowed myself to Aum at the end of a yoga class,

even less considered to attend a Bhajan circle.

I’ve always been afraid to sing

to the point that I would not even allow myself to sing under the shower.

Whenever I caught myself mumbling lyrics over a song I’d

instantly crumble into the hole of shame.

I’ll tell myself how horrible my voice is, that I should never sing and

pray real hard that no one heard me.

Truth is, I wanted to sing, it looks fun plus it’s cool right?

I have always admired those who do and

secretly wished that one day I’ll do the same

but

'I’m not a singer and I’ll never be'.


Beginning of July I hosted a retreat with my friend Maïlys,

a five days Yoga and Creativity retreat where we shared various

modalities of yoga and held several creative workshop.

Both Maïlys and I are highly creative, in our own way.

I paint, sew, write and do pottery.

Mailys, she writes poetry and songs, plays guitar,

makes jewellery and she sings.

A Bhajans night was planned for the retreat and

without a doubt Maïlys would be leading it.


Bhajans are devotional songs, not the kind of songs that will be a hit on the radio but rather designed to help you connect to a greater source and make you vibrate high. Bhajans night is not your typical gig, it is a moment of sharing where everyone is encouraged to sing along, of course, if you wish to remain quiet and listen, you can.


Came the Bhajan night


I was exited because I’ve grown to love it, also, very happy I didn’t have to lead 🙃.

One song, two songs passed when the musicians looked at each other with the question ‘what should we play next?’, to what I suggested ‘He Yama oh’.

A song I first heard in Peru during a ceremony, that I loved ever since.

Remind me how it goes?’ she says.

So I timidly started to mumble the lyrics, a bit terrified of

what my voice would sound like but yeah couldn’t turn back.


She looked at me with the softest eyes and said ‘you go’.


For a moment I felt terror crumbling in me like ‘no no no no’ and quickly remembered that Bhajans aren’t reserved to those who sing well, it’s not a performance, it’s a sharing, a moment of connection. Also, I was very aware that, as a host of the retreat, it will show a terrible example to fall into excuses and refuse to do it.


Bones shaking, I had to drop a little

bare with me, I have never sang in front of anyone like that’

I took a deep deep breath, closed my eyes and started to sing,

a capella, no instrument to hide my voice.

🫣🫣🫣


And you know what ?

It felt good

It felt good to sing

It felt good not to care of what my voice could sound like

It felt good to allowed myself to do something I was for long terrified of doing

Equally scared and proud of myself

I reopened my eyes to a room full of smiles.


I’m sure all of you can relate to that deep sense of fear.

Maybe for you it’s not the singing, maybe it’s dancing, start a new career, going out without make up… I don’t know

but I wanted to share this story with you to show that sometimes we make such a big deal of something out of fear and realise once it’s done it was nothing.

Nothing.

I didn’t crumble, the world hasn’t stop, no one laughed.

All the worst case scenario only existed in my head.

The reality is, that I enjoyed it even though I was terrified.


I wanted to share this story with you as a reminder

to not let the fear get on a way of what you want to do.

Also remember,

on the other side of fear there is a sense of freedom to be found, always.

That is being said from a girl that couldn’t even sing to herself in the shower,

to singing a capella in front of a group of people.

As Nelson Mandela once said

It always seems impossible, until it’s done



Thank you for reading me,

I appreciate you,




Aurélie


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